This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
