I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
