I skipped work to stalk him.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
