They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
