I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
