Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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