I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
