my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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