I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
