i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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