i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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