How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
