Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sorry about my life...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
