He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize