my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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