Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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