WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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