Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
