I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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