yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize