when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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