She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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