my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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