Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
