I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
