That's when you crack a 10am beer
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
