Pappa wants mamma naked
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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