are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
