I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
