Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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