don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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