The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
