Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
