explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
