no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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