Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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