you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
