it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
