dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
