I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
