Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
