true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize