i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
