Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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