Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
