dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
whose parrot is this?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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