My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm at about main and main street
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
