STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
