Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
