well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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