don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
