Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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