I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
