Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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