Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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