I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
