why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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