If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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