Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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