i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
