When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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