I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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