her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
