we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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