there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
