Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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