Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
