Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize