I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
